Belonging

Seems like I'm always ready to write late at night. Must be the inner artist coming out ... jk.

Tonight at this moment, I'm sitting here wishing for you - wishing you would notice, cherish and delight in me. But as this moment passes, I'm starting to realize something else: I already am.

Sometimes, it seems the entire world is on a mission to be noticed, cherished and loved. Each one looks to the surrounding people, things and ideas to prove one thing - we are worth the notice, we are worth the time. Oh how I wish they would consistently fill this longing, but my experience has shown me otherwise. Each idea, thing, and even person can't love us as deeply and furiously as we wish. That person doesn't stand up to defend us when our name is slandered. That idea fails to comfort us when we fall to the ground in despair over senseless acts of rage the day before.

Though I tend to look for affirmation in  all three options, the one I fall prey to most often is people. I seem to daily forget the weaknesses of yesterday and forge forward to put my desire for deep, flawless love on them. However, I've come to notice something. People, even the best ones, have a tendency to let me down.

I have tried to let people fill me; I have desperately held them against a standard hoping against hope they will love me the way I want to be loved. Hoping they can wholly forget themselves and their own ideas to simply love me exactly where I'm at. As of yet, no one has been able to fill this goal because I've come to see - they're just as, if not more, heart-broken, lonely and afraid as I am.

We can't love people the way they want to be loved because we don't even know if we're loved. How can someone fulfill my heart's longing for love if their own heart is only half full.

But in the midst of this life, I've met someone else. Someone different.

His every fibre loves me more purely, more wholly than every other idea and thing I had put together. I wish I could explain this person to you, but I don't think I can. His name is Jesus or the One who sees or Healer, I could write story after story depicting pieces of how different He is, how totally breath-taking He daily proves Himself to be, how utterly committed He is to me. But...

I think He wants you to know Him; I don't think He wants you to keep reading someone else's story. He wants to etch your own journey.