A Resolve

So this past week, I have been wrestling with my constant lack of notice and the seeming forever hopelessness of my single state. I would rather just be done with the struggle and I believe it will break through by next week, but right now I am still wrestling.

This morning, however, I had a breakthrough. I have been longing to have someone along side of me to adventure and jump headlong into the abundant life God has placed in front of us. But Jesus asked, "ash, are you willing to give up your adventure for the person. What do you want more?"

After mulling, I realized something - I wasn't. I think a huge reason for my singleness is that I have been unwilling and when I have been willing God always lets things fall through.

It's like the question was pushed right in front of me. Do you want a constant person in your life who will love you and who you can have an ideal North American type family with or do you want this adventure? And that's when I knew my answer. I want the adventure more than I want the person.

Now I know what you may be thinking - isn't that a little conceited and backwards thinking? Mmmm... nope.

You see, it became clear to me that what I long for is a person who will constantly push me in my relationship with Jesus and if that's not going to happen than I don't think I want it. I want someone who would be willing to drop everything and move to Africa to help those who have nothing, someone who suggests and supports giving away most of our pay cheque to those who need it more than we do, someone who hears Jesus' voice to step back and is willing to drop our commitments to do so, someone who sees the homeless and suggests having them in our home, someone who knows Jesus' voice better than my own. That's who I want and if I can't have someone like that than I would rather be single.